Does optimism fade with age? Are our twenties the time to venture and ignore our fate of unfortunate mortality? Reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer on a daily commute has made me think about this. Men in stiff suits, lifeless gazes; what are they thinking about? How they hate their lives, or simply, what they’re going to eat for lunch, the only exciting moment in their day. Their joie de vivre vanishes as complacently replaces it. Is this what happens?
I get it. I understand the obnoxious facebook posts about missing study abroad. I no longer loathe them, but feel the same sentimental gushy feelings for those months displaced in a surreal setting.
The pangs of longing come late at night when I can’t fall asleep and scroll through my facebook photos.
Besides living in Florence for a few months, I had the opportunity to visit wonderful places.
My weekend trip to Paris, my spring break travelling throughout Spain, my German excursion, and Amsterdam adventure„
My creative energy was at its pinnacle during this time. I was inspired, and felt the need to create art.
I woke up, went to classes, made dinner and slept. Those intermittent points during the day were the most fantastical. I befriended a barista speaking my broken Italian, read, strolled the streets, relaxed in the Boboli Gardens, and thought a lot. I only had wifi when I was at school and in my apartment, and the freedom away from my phone was great. I miss it.
Last year around this time, I was starting to freak out about turning 20. Yes, from an older person’s perspective you might think, “Oh, how trite of you, ” but hey, age intimidates me. Some people choose not to worry or care about it, but I find myself being obsessively consumed by it. Maybe it’s because I love birthdays, and not just my own. I love celebrating everyone’s birthdays, friends, family, the old lady sitting next to me in a restaurant, it just makes me happy. This year, I’m not on the verge of an existential meltdown,( although I do still freak out about what I’m going to do after I graduate, but I digress) and instead I’m busy with schoolwork (yes, I have to do work abroad) and I’m excited that I have a few friends visiting me on my birthday. I think I’m trying not to get my hopes up while I’m away from college/home because no one here knows how much I love to celebrate birthdays especially mine own. Wow, that sounds awful. But like I said before, I like birthdays.
This week marks the 2nd to last week of school before I have major critiques/art shows. I’m stressed but excitedly stressed because currently I have no idea what I’m doing for my final projects. YAY!
I can’t believe that in two days I’ll be clearing out my room and saying goodbye to all my friends. This semester has gone by so fast and this past week I’ve been trying to appreciate my campus as much as I can. I met so many great people this semester that made the past few months memorable ones.
Junior year of college is weird; half of your friends are studying abroad, while the other half anxiously await their departure from America. I’m excited and nervous to venture out on my own, growing and learning along the way. Even this semester, I felt like I have evolved maturing and becoming more independent. As I finish my last final of the semester I can’t help but think about the future and that the next time I’ll be taking finals, I’ll be in Italy.
I’ll miss my beautiful campus, but I know that when I return next August I’ll appreciate it even more.
“The sense of unhappiness is so much easier to convey than that of happiness. In misery we seem aware of our own existence, even though it may be in the form of a monstrous egotism: this pain of mine is individual, this nerve that winces belongs to me and to no other. But happiness annihilates us: we lose our identity.”—Graham Greene, The End of the Affair (via stxxz)
“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation.”—Graham Greene (via story-dj)
I was only accquainted with this word last year when my friend approached me and told me that during our freshman year he had a friend crush on me. I was flattered. It’s almost better than having a romantic crush on someone because you like the person because you think they are a spectacular person and admire them. You don’t have to worry about romantic stuff getting in the way.
Recently, I told two of my friend crushes about my said crush and just like me, they were flattered. Sometimes you have to just let someone know that they are awesome.
So, if anyone is reading this that has a current friend crush…go tell them, it will probably make their day.